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But it doesn’t happen for the reasons you think it does, and it’s not necessarily the problem you think it is.Ĩ8% of our Sex Survey respondents said that in an ideal world, they’d be having sex multiple times a week or more.
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Yet all long-term monogamous relationships that involve women, even straight ones, are prone to some kind of so-called “bed death.” As Emily Nagoski explicates in this piece about the difference between responsive and spontaneous desire, “when you use male standards to assess ALL sexuality, shit goes to hell.”
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Lesbian Bed Death is usually discussed as an oft-ignored sign of a dull or dysfunctional relationship, one that has possibly passed its expiration date yet continues existing due to inertia and co-dependence. Lesbian sexless relationships do happen, and lack of sex in a lesbian relationship can be a big problem. And, of course, that our relationships are so frumpy and sexless that they deserve their own macabre moniker: Lesbian Bed Death. Lesbian, bisexual and queer women spend a lot of time fretting over disproving certain stereotypes about our depraved lifestyles: that we U-Haul too quickly, that we process our feelings obsessively, that we jam to lesbian folk-rock music, that we still think cargo pants are cool.